Funny Lines, and the Rappin Rappers that Rap Them

My goal was to come up with my top ten favorite Rap lyrics. As I started to make a list of possible candidates I decided, after 5 pages, that bundling all rap into one list might be too difficult to do. And how exactly was I supposed to rate them? Coming up with no quantifiable way to rank them, and really not wanting to spend days arguing with myself if Cee-Lo’s verse in I Refuse Limitations was all that much better than Biggie’s Somebody’s Got to Die. I decided to go with the most humorous lines I love. After all, I feel that Rap music is rooted in the battle rap. Say something funnier, more creative than the last M.C. just did; make the people say wow! Like Maximus in Gladiator, win the crowd and you shall have your glory…

Let’s start off with a line that always gets me from the underappreciated Rick Ross. Anybody that can make a whole album about selling coke has to be a little creative, right?…

I got hoes in Memphis
hoes in Maryland,
White girl in Carolina let's call her Carol-Anne
Rick Ross, This is the life

For some reason the mention of “White people” always gets me in rap. It’s like we, as a people, have finally reached the big stage…Tony Ya-Yo has a lyric about white people rolling up their endo that always kills me too. It didn’t make the list because the rest of the lines are pretty stupid.

The next one from Naughty by Nature is a favorite of mine from growing up. 19Naughty3 was the first rap album I bought with one of those little Parental Advisory Warning stickers on it. To me, those labels always looked like they should be the flag on the Major Label pirate ship. I digress…Naughty’s first album was so full of hilarious diss and battle rap, I could have probably made a top ten list with just the one album, This is Treach at his funniest…

You say I diss you hard after I did you fine It ain't my fault,
it's just your face looked mighty different in the daytime
Treach, Thanks for Sleepwalking

He said she was ugly in the day, tell me that shits not funny…

You could also make a case for an entire top ten list for the next rapper, Method Man. Probably one of my top three rappers of all time, dude’s got punch lines for days…

You know me,
everytime you kiss that hoe you blow me,
You blow trial tryin to walk a mile in my Saucony’s
Method Man, Chamber Music

I swear to God, every time I am shopping at Kohl’s and I walk by their shoe department I repeat that line in my head. It has been a gift and a curse.

Kanye West always has some funny lines. Even though the guy is crazy now, singing through machines and trying to be Bono, his lyrics show why he's one of the most creative artists out there. At least he takes chances. It was tough to decide between his lines about his miracle whip and this…

Aaron love to raw dog, when will he learn?
Caught something on the Usher tour and had to let it burn
Kanye West, Gone

which gets the slight nod because I physically laugh when I hear the sing-songy way Kanye delivers it.

The next two I’ll just give you in bulk, both of these get me to smile, nothing too deep there…Luda definitely makes me laugh, maybe the definition of a punch-line-rapper…

Ain't nothing but a G-thang,
baby it's a G-thang
Bounce like you got hydraulics in your G-strang
The game, Let’s Ride

From yo' car to a crap game, no one rolls wit'chu
One of Mini-Me's shoes got more sole than you
Ludicrous, Hip-Hop Quotables

The next rapper is probably the most slept on M.C. out there. He hasn’t been too active lately, but I will put his flow up against anybody else from New York. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Jadakiss…

I knew this chick named Superhead,
she gave super head,
moved into my building and even gave the Super head.

I know it doesn’t really rhyme, but who cares? Half of what Jada raps doesn’t rhyme in the traditional sense, but he makes it work through his cadence. It’s a lot harder to pull off than just spittin out sun/fun/run/gun/stun…

The next one is from 50. I tell ya, no rapper has disappointed me more than him. His career was once so promising with raps like this…

I'll rob Pun without a gun
snatch his piece then run
That ni**a weigh 400 pounds, how he gon catch me son?
50 Cent, How to Rob

Remember when he used to be hot on the mix-tape scene? Didn’t give a fuck what other people thought, especially in the industry. Now the dude drank a whole bunch of Vitamin water and thinks he’s Donald Trump. Were no lessons learned from Master P?

The last, and best one I offer here today is from Lil’ Wayne. We all know he’s been everywhere in the past year. Making songs, getting arrested, drinking pink shit out of a rhinestone cup. You know, the usual. Sometimes the cat is crazy, saying shit that doesn’t make no sense. I mean, did you hear his verse on “Barry Bonds”? That shit was ridiculous. But then he redeems himself with one of the funniest couple of bars I have ever heard in my life.

Un fuckin believable, Lil Wayne's the president
Fuck em, fuck em, fuck em, even if they celibate
I know the game is crazy,
it's more crazy than it's ever been
I'm married to that crazy bitch,
call me Kevin Federline
Lil Wayne, I’m Me

hope you enjoyed...