Introducing...T-Roy

We have a friend named Troy, who we affectionately call The T-Roy (well, because he calls himself that). T-Roy is responsible for more great stories and one liners than anyone else I know. Point in check...

We were in the front yard of my friend Jay's house, looking at a tree that recently rotted and fell down in a storm. Jay was under the impression that the tree had termites. T-Roy took one look at the tree and said, "That tree doesn't have Termites, it's got beatles."
Jay says, "Well if I bring the wood to my back yard for fire wood, am I going to bring the beatles with it and infest the other trees in my yard?"
T-Roy pauses for like 30 seconds and with a strait face finally says, "It doesn't matter, that tree was in a condition it should have never been in."

And then he walks away...

Maybe He's Making Up For the Whole Diabetes Thing?

I just did one of the coolest things I've ever done. And really, it's probably one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

I successfully separated the top piece of a Pop Tart from the bottom piece.

I was left with one so-so bottom part, which I just threw away like the cookie part of an Oreo after I eat the white stuff in the middle, and the most delicious sugar and warm jam top part. It's like the holy grail for fat people like myself. They should have it on the dessert menu at restaurants. I've never been so proud in all my life.

It seems as though God smiles on each of us some days.

Grindin'

I grind my teeth at night. I don’t know I do it, but the dentist seems to think I do. He made me get a mouthpiece (for like $600.00!), made of plastic, that stops my teeth from slowly wearing away to Chiclets. The fun part about the whole mouth guard thing is that now I grind my tongue against the mouthpiece and my tongue is getting pretty beat up. No one is going to want to get head from me with a beat up tongue. This has got to stop.

My whole thing is, why can’t I just stop caring about my teeth all together, have them all pulled, and get dentures. I wouldn’t have to worry about cavities anymore, and brushing will be a thing of the past since I can just take my clean teeth out of a jar on my bedside table. I’m thinking this is a much better way to go. I could even take my teeth out and give some crazy gum-sucky-head move to some lucky hot girl. Something really cool that nobody’s ever heard of (partly because normal toothless people are like 95 years old and don’t think about going down anymore). They could even name the move after me. I prefer “Dayvalingus”, but that’s just me…