The Worst Trip Ever

You know how most people, late at night, get a case of the munchies? Not me. I get a case of the mealies. I say "mealies" because I don't like just a couple cookies or some chips. I want food. A lot of it. I spend the next week working off the cravings I get on a Saturday at 11PM, but who cares, I love it. It's better than Christmas.

Last night I'm sitting at a friends house, and I get the mealies, bad. I decide it's time to go to McDonalds, which won the fast food decision, not because I'm a fan of McDonalds, but because it was the closest place to the house. That should be McDonald's new ad campaign, "You know we're right around the block, and you're lazy, so come on in!" On my way over there I decide to get some gas, which is already a little annoying because I didn't plan on running errands, I just wanted my food so I could get back. I start pumping my gas and go to wipe my windows. As I turn around I stumble a little bit and end up having to take a few recovery steps in order not to fall. Mind you it's late, there's no one else at any of the other pumps, but I can see the gas station attendant watching me through the window. And he's laughing. Great.

I go over to my little window wiping station thing by the pump, and there's no towels. So I walk over to the one on the adjacent pump. Nothing. I walk across the isle to a third pump, and to the one next to it. Nothing. The whole time I'm thinking Awesome, the attendant sees me almost fall and now I'm walking around the parking lot like a homeless person. Plus, at this point I'm pretty sure the paper towels are just his way of fucking with me. I'm sure it gets pretty boring working the overnight shift at some SA, he's probably got to find new ways to keep it interesting. I wonder if he gets more serious. Like, replaces the gas with sugar water. You know, just to be silly.

I finish up at the gas station and go across the street to get food. I pull up to the window after ordering and there's a sign hanging that says "We are sorry for the inconvenience, but we cannot accept debit/credit cards at this time". Oh, Jesus Christ. I never carry cash with me, all I have is my credit card. Wouldn't the fact they couldn't take cards have been important, say, when I was ordering my food? At this point, I'm more than annoyed at my trip, slowly snowballing into ridiculousness.

So I pull out of McDonlads, foodless. I'm not really sure of where I want to go next, or if I even if my mealies really need to be satisfied tonight. I just start to drive, aimlessly. After about 5 minutes I realize I have no idea where I am. I don't see any food places, or other gas stations. I don't see much of anything. No lights. Nothing. I think about turning around, but I don't really know where I came from either. I decide to just keep going, find a major road, and figure it out from there. I take a couple of turns (one U), which are fruitless at best, and 16 minutes later I finally find my way back to civilization.

Overall toll of my 5 minute food run:
3 stops
36 minutes
22 miles
38 dollars in gas and food
10 cigarettes smoked
1 partial death fall at a gas station