Thank You Pacific Salmon (Fuck You Atlantic)

I was watching the Science Channel, or Animal Planet, one of those channels I love to "watch" while I am trying to take my Saturday/Sunday afternoon naps. A special was on about grizzley bears, and during the show they started discussing the Salmon that bears rely on. But it's not just bears. When the Pacific Salmon swim up stream to lay their eggs, they die afterward. Scientists don't know whey they die, they just do. But the dead fish nourish over 200 animal species in the woods, and then, when the animals are done with the remains, the forrest floor absorbes all the Nitrogen, Oxygen, and other minerals the Salmon pick up on their lifelong journey. This allows the trees in the area to grow to over 100 feet tall. Even the Salmon's own eggs feed on the remains of their mothers. Not in a disgusting Hannibal Lecter way, but in a positive Mother Earth kind of way. So, between the bigger fish that feed on the salmon, and the whole forrest of animals that need them, they are responsible for more nourishment than any other species on the planet.

This, of course, is just Pacific Salmon. Their atlantic counterparts don't die after giving birth. No, they get to go on swimming, eating, and fucking their little fish heart's content. Thanks for nothing.

Torii Hunter Faces Joe Nathan

From a recent series. Old teamates Torii Hunter faces Twins close Joe Nathan...a little psychological warfare...

And speaking if Chalk Drawings

I really love the part in "Chasing Amy" when Jason Lee is accused of being nothing more than a comic book tracer...

"I'll trace a chalk outline around your dead fucking body!"

comedy gold...

Chalk Drawings not in Caves

I drove into work this Monday, a little sleepy as I usually am at 7AM, regardless of the day of the week. It was a pretty nice weekend, so I imagine the kids in the neighborhood by my office would have been out and about all weekend. Playing kids games, enjoying the sun. Now, I should say that the “neighborhood” by my office is really just a trailer park, and a small, dilapidated one at that. There are a few older people, but mostly there are families with small children. And by that I mean, there are like 9 kids per adult. I digress.

It is not unusual for my to walk to my car after work and see some kids using a part of my automobile as some kind of protection during a game of “guns”, or to see them running around it in circles chasing each other. No biggie. They aren’t hurting me any, so I say play on. You want to play guns, well gun-it-up then!

I get out of my car and see that the kids have been playing in our parking lot all weekend, making chalk drawings on the pavement. There are all sorts of drawings and patterns, various scribbles, and a few swear words. Okay. Kinda funny. I mean, if I were a parent I don’t know if I’d be sending my kids to play in the warehouse parking lot across the street, but I can live with it since they aren’t my kids.

The part that gets me though is that right in the middle of the parking lot there are like 5 outlines of human bodies. Like the dead body chalk outlines at a crime scene. And the kids were incredibly detailed. There was little chalk-blood dripping out of the bodies. And there was a chalk-gun beside one of them.

I am hoping they were playing a game of CSI Miami, but I’m thinking they were just drawing what they’ve seen.

That causes me to be at once sad, and laughing.

More Hits from the Jay

Scene

(Dayve is sitting on Jay's couch, barely watching television. It's on in the background, but he is paying it very little attention. He watches Jay fold up the open end of a bag of chips, lift up the leg of the table in front of him, and place the folded end of the bag under the table. The bag is now wedged between the floor and the table leg)

Dayve

What the fuck are you doing?

Jay

What? It's like a chip clip.

Urinals, as Headrests...

So, I was peeing at work, as I so often do. I am standing at the urinal going about my business and the chapstick in my pocket falls out onto the floor. Now, this situation is gross enough, seeing as how something that touches my mouth is now on the floor with the rest of the fecal matter. But I decide I can pick it up and wash it off, no harm, no foul. I bend over to pick it up, totally forgetting where I am, and my forehead touches the edge of the urinal, right at the spot where any pee droplets would hit as they get shaken out.

Fucking gross…I think there was a pube on there too…

Wishes

So, at 11:11 today, I am making my usual wish and it got me thinking. If I wish everyday that Lindsay Lohan will be nude with me in some kind of waterfall. Will it come true sooner because I wish for it everyday? If I start wishing for something else every once and a while, will that diminish my chances of being nude with Lindsay under a waterfall? Does the wish-granter decide which wish they would fulfill based on some morality scale? If so, I shant think I should ever see Lindsay topless in real life. Unless he/she also really likes large boobs and freckly redheads.

I really would like some ground rules here. I don’t want to be wasting all my wishes like a chump.

From the Mind of Darren Sharper

This in an interview with NFL Radio...

“I’m not a prognosticator. I’m not into making predictions but I will predict that if everything goes well with, I think he has a meeting with Coach Childress, I can see Brett playing for Minnesota this year".

What?
But you just said you don't make pred...

Fucking idiot...