My Dad Needs My Mom

I stopped at home last night to visit with my old man. My mom's been away for about a week and a half on vacation, and I thought Papa was getting a little bored (seeing as how he called me four times on Wednesday). I took a little stroll through the kitchen to see what kinds of snacks he had for me, since I rarely turn down the chance for free food. Or any food for that matter.

I opened up the pantry and the fridge and all the cupboards, and there was barely a thing left to eat in our home. My dad had decided that he didn't need to go shopping while Ma was away, he'd just eat everything we had in the house instead. Four year old box of crackers? GONE. Ramen noodles? GONE. Freezer burned pork chops? FUCKING DEVOURED.

Seriously, all that was left were some canned veggies, some cream of chicken soup, and a few bottles of salad dressing.

I wonder if my mom knows just how much my old man needs her...

My Conversation at the Bell

I just got back from a Taco Bell run. I love Taco Bell. Love it. I probably go there three times in a slow week. Tonight, I had the dumbest conversation I've ever had in my life. I'm going to let it run in it's entirety, because well, I just don't know what to say. Play...

Spanish Speaking Friendly Taco Bell Employee: Welcome to Taco Bell can I take your order?
Me: I'll have two soft tacos and a hard shell taco, and that's it.
SSFTBE: Any taco sauce or anything to drink?
Me: No.
SSFTBE: Okay. I have two soft shell tacos and a hard shell taco, will that be it?
Me: Yes. That's it.
SSFTBE: Any taco sauce or drink tonight?
Me: What? No.
SSFTBE: Okay. Please pull around to the first window.

I drive up to the window, which is closed. I pull up to the second window.

SSFTBE: That'll be five-thirty-nine. Any taco sauce?
Me(Handing him my credit card): What? Are you fucking with me?
SSFTBE: What?
Me: No taco sauce, thank you.